"Nigger lover" was how it all started. The worst day/night of my life.Here's how it went down.

I was doing time for some shit I had done in my teens. Sentenced to just under a year, I was doing state time in a rough jail.

I had always gotten along well with black people having grown up in the 'hood. While on lock down I gravitated towards the kinds of people I knew. I did stand out being white but that had never stopped me before from hanging around mostly blacks and I never thought twice about it. I went with what I knew.

So...I keep having problems with this one asshole screw. He is power-tripping like no other. He's also very small and I'm very tall so I think "Small-Man Syndrome" is affecting him. Him and I keep butting heads about going to yard or using the phones. It seems like constant battle with him for no real reason.

So the fateful day he seems like he's real pissed off. He comes into the range and tells everyone that not only are we not getting our phones turned on, but we aren’t allowed to go out to the yard. A few of the other cons bitch and moan but no one speaks up.

I do.

I approach the little guard and ask him what's up. He is aggressive from the start, getting right into my face. He asks me if I have some sort of "fucking problem"

I tell him I do.

...You are quite kind of nigger lover aren't you Con? I see you hanging out with them all the time. I've been watching you. Angry 'cause you can't go play basketball?"...

He asks me what I am going to do about it.

I shrug my shoulders because at that point I had no idea what I could do about it. He is a guard, I am a convict. Nuff said.

He gets even closer in my face and tells me that I'm only angry because I can't "hang with the homies" as he puts it.

I ask him to repeat himself, hoping that the "homies" around us are listening to his bullshit.

He's moving right up to me now, only inches away. My heart is racing. On the street I would have already rocked this guy if he got so close to me. This is jail so shit's different.

He whispers.” You are quite kind of nigger lover aren't you Con? I see you hanging out with them all the time. I've been watching you. Angry 'cause you can't go play basketball?"

I really didn't hear the last things he said. I was already telling him to go fuck himself as soon as the word "nigger" escaped his lips.

He pushes me and it knocks me back couple feet.

I look at an old-school Federal guy that was there waiting to be transferred. I ask him, "That was assault right??"

He says, "Hell yeah it was and I saw it all"

So I respond, "So this will be self-defence."

I punch the guard right above his eye, hitting the orbital bone causing a huge cut above his eye. The flap of skin falls down, covering his eye and causing blood to start streaming down. He face changes from anger to panic.

As soon as I had make contact, his partner outside the gate hit the panic button. I can hear the sirens as the little guard gets his balance and launches himself at me. I've got him in a headlock, throwing uppercut after uppercut into his face. He's trying to fight back but it's not even close. He's 5'6" and maybe 160lbs while at the time I was 6'4" 250lbs and angry at the world and now him.

I notice the rest of the cons race to get against the wall as me and the guard are wrestling. I glance over at the gate to see a line of guards waiting to get in. They are all dressed in riot gear.

Within seconds they are in the range with us. I last for about 20 seconds, trying my best to cover up and still throw some punches.

They throw me up against the wall and I black out.

...1 broken collar bone. 1 broken nose. 2 broken ribs. Untold kidney damage. Almost ruptured testicles. Cracked front tooth. Ear ripped. Skin tore under arms, between legs. Numerous bruises and two black eyes...

The next thing I remember, I am hogtied and on the floor in the hallway. I have blood streaming down my face and my jumpsuit is all ripped. My whole body hurts.

There are around 10 guards there. The Goon Squad. They are the biggest fucking guards in the jail and I'm sure I've never even seen 1/2 of them before. They must have shipped them in from Norway or something. They are like vikings. Fucking huge Neandrathal guys.

They pick me up like I am a pig on a stake being taken to get cooked.

Into the steel lined elevator we go. Once the doors shut, all hell breaks loose.

They all start punching and kicking and grabbing me. I try to block the kidney shots with my elbows but they pin me in the corner, shove my face into the metal corner of the elevator so i can't see.
I try and turn my head to get a look at them, but one guard nearly pokes my eye out with his leather gloved hand.

Another guard reaches down and grabs my balls and squeezes hard enough that I almost faint. They continue beating me until suddenly everything stops.

The elevator door had opened.

They drag me out and drag me down the hallway towards solitary. We get closer to the big steel door and I notice I seem to be heading towards the frame of the door. At the very last moment I manage to move my head out of the way just as they slam me into the steel door frame. The impact breaks my collar bone. I scream my head off.

They continue dragging me until we reach the hole. One of them opens the cell door then 4 of them launch me into the cell, still hogtied. I land on my stomach and slide right into the concrete stool with my now broken collar bone. I pass out again from the pain.

I am not sure how long I am out for but when I wake up there is another bunch of guards in my cell. They are removing my shackles and cuffs. They are being extra rough it seems. My kidneys are taking a pounding and my broken collarbone is being ignored.

They tell me to take off my clothes. I tell them I can't because my shoulder is broken. That wasn't even out of my mouth when suddenly they start ripping my clothes right off my body. They tear my jumpsuit and drawers right off followed by my undershirt. They rip my skin under my arms and between my legs while doing this.

...They lock me back up and I lie there for the rest of the night, naked and bleeding...

I'm bleeding from around 7 different areas now. They've got me naked. They put my shackles and cuffs back on and leave me on the floor naked and bleeding.

Then they leave the cell, lock the door and open the slider on the window so they can see in. For the next 2 hours before they finally send a nurse in, different guards walk past and call me names and tell me that I better watch out and that I shouldn't have hit one of them.

I start to cry now out of pain and a little bit of fear.

The nurse comes, I tell her what happened and she doesn't seem to give a shit.

They make me sign a bunch of papers saying that they did nothing wrong. Out of fear I quickly sign the papers. They lock me back up and I lie there for the rest of the night, naked and bleeding.

The morning comes and they tell me they are going to transfer me to another jail for my own safety. After allowing me to clean the crusted blood off my face they let me pee. Bloody urine and I know my kidneys are damaged. I do a quick rundown of what they did.

1 broken collar bone. 1 broken nose. 2 broken ribs. Untold kidney damage. Almost ruptured testicles. Cracked front tooth. Ear ripped. Skin tore under arms, between legs. Numerous bruises and two black eyes.

I get to the bullpen and run into one of the guys from my range. He quickly tells everyone else what I had done. Word quickly spreads that I am the one that kicked the shit out of that asshole guard that no one liked. Suddenly I am quite popular.

They transfer me to another jail and keep me in the hole for two weeks. Once I get upstairs and into normal cells, words travels and again I am treated extra special by the other inmates and even given a little more space by the guards.

Even though that night was the worst event that had ever happened to me, it made me much stronger knowing that 10 big men couldn't beat me down. That alone has gotten me past some troubled times since.

ex-con
Location kept secret