I  fell in love with you slowly, so naturally, surprising even myself. We had some shared interests and we fit together like puzzle pieces.

...She was in a mental institution for six months. Do you think she just "got better" all by herself without drug therapy and counseling?...

S adly, however, we are both married. I am unhappily married and ready to start my life for myself without the control and abuse. You can't decide if you are happy or not: evidently you are the one person in the world who has more guilt than I do. Rationally, you know that your wife has made her own bed and that she is a trial to you and your children. Yes, she has her flashes of being nice and rational, and then things are good for you, but then she has a meltdown, screaming fit and you get scared for your children, her, and yourself. You don't even feel so safe about leaving her at home with the kids to go to work to support her and keep her in the manner to which she has become accustomed. She was in a mental institution for six months. Do you think she just "got better" all by herself without drug therapy and counseling? I *know* you have fears of coming home and finding your children injured in some horrific way. You just don't talk about it.

...I am really distressed that you think your children are better off having an unstable, mean, sarcastic, angry, morose, depressive, controlling mother...

I  love you for wanting to honor your marriage vows but I am also really distressed that YOU never seem to come first, for anyone, ever (excpet me, lol, and I hardly count, right?). I am really distressed that you think your children are better off having an unstable, mean, sarcastic, angry, morose, depressive, controlling mother than having a stepmother with a career, a background in education, a sense of humor, and willingness to work hard.

I 'm left with the choice of staying in my barely tolerable marriage and keep loving you secretly, hopelessly, unproductively...or move on and get involved with someone else while knowing that my soulmate is out there, unavailable, unattainable. I'd feel like the biggest liar getting involved with another person while knowing he's not the right one.

...I almost regret meeting you, finding out that you were out there and perfect for me...

S ometimes I think about killing myself because it's just too painful, but I cannot do that to my son. And I realize it's just wimpiness on my part. I almost regret meeting you, finding out that you were out there and perfect for me. It's been nearly a year. It's easy to rationalize the fact that "love" doesn't have to be/equal/mean living together, having babies together, or marriage.... but damn, it would be nice just to be able to touch you.

Minnesota is far away.

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Tags: honor marriage children mean andry morose controlling mother stepmother humor education soulmate liar regret suicide babies perfect love secret story personal