Hmm, How shoud I start this out?

I  guess by stating general facts. All right, I am a 13-year-old girl living in central New Jersey. I am in 8th grade, and I get good grades on my report card. I have a few friends at school, and I try to be nice to everyone. I don't ever have relationships like my peers do; I think middle school relationships are meaningless. I am happy and always ready to help someone in time of need. The thing that nobody knows is that I feel like the most lonely person in the world.

...The only person I have left is my older brother, whom I care for and love more than anything else in this world...

S ure, I have friends, and I am respected by most of my peers, but everyone keeps me at arm's length. I have stopped trying to become close friends with anyone a while ago. I keep silence closer to me than anything.

M y parents died in a car-crash two and a half years ago, bless their souls. The only person I have left is my older brother, whom I care for and love more than anything else in this world. Recently, however, he has fallen ill, and I am left to raise money for the two of us by working at the local farm and by babysitting for the neighbors. I can only hope he lives through this.

M y friends and classmates know nothing of my homelife, and frankly they don't have suspiscions either. I try as hard as I can to avoid attention and sympathy; I have learned to be independant, and I hate sympathy.

...I am (psuedo) pretentious and intellectual and they don't understand me at all...

The reason that classmates don't connect to me is because I am different. I am (psuedo) pretentious and intellectual and they don't understand me at all. I have no one to share my thoughts with, no one that cares about my veiws or my feelings. I have grown to accept that, and unfortunately this has made me even more sedated from people.


A nd then, this year, I met Ryan. A handsome, intelligent, kind boy. It was the first time I have ever felt like getting to know someone in a very long time. I am both happy and sad at the same time becuase of these new feelings. Happy because I still have hope of connecting to people, but sad because he probably isn't interested in me either. Too handsome...too warm to ever have feelings for someone like me. Too friendly to like someone that is as cold and dismal as I have become.

...And then I find this website. A website that contains person that have ones to love them and care for them, only to disrespect them in the most hurtful ways. How selfish!...

I  release my feelings in the only way I know how to - through art. I am in the school choir, and I found my mother's old art supplies as well, so I draw and paint. I brought a few of my works in because my teachers admired my notebook doodles and wanted to see more, and they loved them. I felt happy-I will never stop drawing, never stop singing, ever.


A nd then I find this website. A website that contains person that have ones to love them and care for them, only to disrespect them in the most hurtful ways. How selfish! How selfish of some of these people to turn away people that love them. How selfish of some of these people to disrespect them, keep so many secrets from them, to hurt them like that. I know that some people have no choice sometimes, but a lot of these people sound like they have the ability to make choices that don't hurt innocent people. That don't hurt people that love them. I decided that if I ever had the honor to have someone love me that I would never do anything in my power to make them feel pain.

That is my story that I cannot tell (in a rambly, rantish form of writing. Sorry about that.). It lightens my load a little bit that I finally written this down, and that someone somewhere will read this.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret


Tags: New Jersey girl orphan lonely sad choir art secret story